Official Monster Raving Loony Party

Why can't we have the Official Monster Raving Loony Party competing in our elections, honestly?

We will issue a 99p coin to save on change.

Rich people should be taxed to pay for the printing of money, as they use most of it.

Tax credits will be paid to nice people. There will be a “total bastard” tax for everyone else

In the interests of fair education policy, under a loony government all children will automatically be given full marks in their exams.

Bright pupils will be provided with dimmer switches to prevent them distracting the rest of the class.

The number 13 will be abolished due to its longstanding unpopularity..

We fully back the government’s policy of discouraging binge drinking by opening pubs for 24 hours. We believe that 24 hours is not quite long enough and propose to make the length of a day 32 hours long so that the pubs can be open for even longer. We also rather like the government idea of coming down hard on drugs by legalising them. Regarding tobacco it will now only be legal to smoke it with cannabis. Anyone found to have a ciggy not containing any cannabis will be made to walk to Coventry with a stone in their shoe, unless they come from Coventry in which case an alternative major city will be substituted on the advice of a committee who will meet far too often and eat dope cakes.

All computers will carry a hazard warning sign saying “Please do NOT forget to open your window before you throw this computer out of it”.

All foxes will be issued with sheep’s clothing.

Half the grey squirrel population will be painted red in order to increase the red squirrel population.

All food shall be clearly labelled “Recommended for Oral Use”.

All fast food will be clearly labelled “May contain traces of real food”.

The white cliffs of Dover will be painted blue to camouflage our islands.

All footballers will be made to wear slippers to make the game more interesting.

Making everyone a lottery winner

Providing beer for school children

In future the National Anthem will be ‘Bring Me Sunshine’ as sung by Morecambe and Wise. It is quicker, more tuneful and people know the words

Vote for insanity, you know it makes sense!
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Blogger Weekend_Viking at 4/6/05 1:45 AM said

Are you not forgetting the McGillicuddy Serious party? They bowed out with MMP, as it became obvious that they may actually be in danger of getting into parliament, which would be no fun...    

Blogger Phantasmagoric Political Junkie at 4/6/05 12:33 PM said

except they disappeared. there is a distinct lack of humour in NZ Politics, and that is sad.    

Blogger Brian Boyko at 5/6/05 1:28 AM said

I have some suggestions.

It should be called "The Monster Raving Loonzy Party."

The Z is silent. The Q is invisible.

All automated speeding detectors on New Zealand roads will be coin-operated.

In order to speed up 111 response times, there should be an "eleven" key added to all telephones.    

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